My Dear Darling Littlest Love~
I can hardly believe that four months have passed since you joined our family. It has been a roller coaster, but one that I wouldn't miss for the world. You have added so much to my life and to our family.
I love seeing your beautiful smile...it reminds me that all our work is worth it; you are a happy, healthy little girl. I love hearing your voice and having our little conversations in the evening. I love watching you explore your hands and discover how many things you can do with them. I love watching you sleep and noticing how much you move around in your crib at night.
I can not wait to see what the coming months hold for us. You have so much more to learn and discover...so much more growing to do. I'll be right here, holding your hands and my camera, hoping to catch it all. I love you so much more than you could imagine.
Momma
26 February 2010
23 February 2010
Update on the Photo Project
I can now change my project name to Kaylee 356. I have missed the following days: January 5, 7, 11, 18 and 25, February 2, 3, 4 (what was going on that week?) and 15. I set 350 photos in 365 days as my goal. That means that I can only miss 6 more days for the rest of the year. I have a feeling that ain't happening. I'll just keep clicking...
16 February 2010
Totally Forgot About This...
The results from the little online baby pool...
So my friend Sarah was the closest on the date, but that's only because she chose her own birthday...disqualified. A couple people were close on the length, so we'll call it a toss-up. On weight, my Auntie was the closest...only off by 1 oz! Way to go!!!
| Angel | girl | 7 lbs 4 ozs | 20 in | Nov 12, 12:42 pm | PA | online friend |
| Becky | girl | 8 lbs 4 ozs | 20 in | Nov 20, 6:40 pm | Lawrence KS | I'm the momma!!! |
| Mary | girl | 7 lbs 13 ozs | 19 in | Nov 18, 5:36 am | Topeka KS | baby-momma's friend |
| Auntie | girl | 6 lbs 10 ozs | 18 in | Nov 14, 3:00 am | St. James City FL | The best Aunt ever!!!!!!!!! |
| Grandma | girl | 8 lbs 2 ozs | 21 in | Nov 16, 12:45 am | Topeka KS | |
| Mike | girl | 9 lbs 9 ozs | 22 in | Nov 6, 4:41 am | Lawrence KS | I'm the baby daddy |
| Paula | girl | 8 lbs 2 ozs | 21 in | Nov 10, 8:00 pm | Topeka KS | baby gma |
| Sarah | girl | 7 lbs 4 ozs | 17 in | Nov 4, 6:04 am | New York NY | I used to live in the baby's room . . . and the parents' room . . . |
| Michelle | girl | 6 lbs 14 ozs | 19 in | Nov 5, 5:04 am | Olathe KS | Cousin-in-law to Becky |
So my friend Sarah was the closest on the date, but that's only because she chose her own birthday...disqualified. A couple people were close on the length, so we'll call it a toss-up. On weight, my Auntie was the closest...only off by 1 oz! Way to go!!!
She Laughs...
...at childcare. Not at home. Grrr.
Our provider casually mentioned this to me yesterday, showing me a toy that Kaylee likes. She didn't realize that we have yet to hear this minor phenomenon. When I told her we hadn't, she jokingly said, "Oh never mind, she never laughs here either."
I actually surprised myself, though. I wasn't as crushed to hear this news as I thought I would be. I'm sad, yes, and I want to figure out what we can do to get her laughing at home, but I'm okay.
I'll give her a week to laugh for me...then I'll be crushed.
Our provider casually mentioned this to me yesterday, showing me a toy that Kaylee likes. She didn't realize that we have yet to hear this minor phenomenon. When I told her we hadn't, she jokingly said, "Oh never mind, she never laughs here either."
I actually surprised myself, though. I wasn't as crushed to hear this news as I thought I would be. I'm sad, yes, and I want to figure out what we can do to get her laughing at home, but I'm okay.
I'll give her a week to laugh for me...then I'll be crushed.
15 February 2010
Realizations
I'm not sure why it took a while for this to set in, but the other day I realized the ramifications of having a baby in childcare. Our provider will be the one to teach Kaylee a lot of new things. She will likely be the first one to see her crawl, walk, talk, und so weiter...
I have no doubt that Kaylee knows who I am. The look on her face when she sees me or hears my voice tells me this. I just feel a little sad at the things I'm giving up by being a working mom. I know I'm making the right choice. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM...my maternity leave taught me that. I just wish there was a way to work outside of the home without feeling like you're missing out on your child's life. I mean, right now, five days a week I wake her up, change her clothes, ship her off to childcare, pick her up, feed her and put her to bed. There are snippets of playing and "talking" in there, but it just doesn't feel like quite enough.
Anyway...forgive my ramblings. I'm just still trying to work through all this mom stuff. It takes some time...
I have no doubt that Kaylee knows who I am. The look on her face when she sees me or hears my voice tells me this. I just feel a little sad at the things I'm giving up by being a working mom. I know I'm making the right choice. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM...my maternity leave taught me that. I just wish there was a way to work outside of the home without feeling like you're missing out on your child's life. I mean, right now, five days a week I wake her up, change her clothes, ship her off to childcare, pick her up, feed her and put her to bed. There are snippets of playing and "talking" in there, but it just doesn't feel like quite enough.
Anyway...forgive my ramblings. I'm just still trying to work through all this mom stuff. It takes some time...
11 February 2010
I'm Sad But Oh So Over It
I finally reached my breaking point last night. I finally decided that stressing and agonizing over pumping, all the while getting a mere 2-3oz at a time, is just not worth it. I love my baby girl. I would love for her to have nothing but breast milk until she's six months old, but it just isn't going to happen. I'm tired, I hurt and I want my boobs back.
I'm starting the process of stopping pumping. Did that make sense to anyone besides me? Right now I'm cutting down to three pumps a day and asking to go back on my old birth control. I also stopped taking the prescription my doctor gave me for production (which didn't help anyway, by the way). Kaylee is getting straight formula at childcare. Right now, she's been getting straight breast milk at home, but I think I'll start cutting that half-and-half to ease the transition a bit.
As much as I'm ready to stop stressing and start enjoying my baby and my body again, I'm still sad and confused. I wish I could know what went wrong. I wish I could know why my body was so resistant to all the normal things that help other women with their supply. I really wish I could know in advance if I'll have better luck with another baby down the line or if we'll have the same struggles. All questions that I'll probably never know the answers to.
I guess I just need to focus on the fact that I gave Kaylee as much of my milk as I could. I have to know that almost four months is better than nothing. I have to know that she will benefit in so many ways from having a mommy that is calm and happy and who loves her so so much.
I'm starting the process of stopping pumping. Did that make sense to anyone besides me? Right now I'm cutting down to three pumps a day and asking to go back on my old birth control. I also stopped taking the prescription my doctor gave me for production (which didn't help anyway, by the way). Kaylee is getting straight formula at childcare. Right now, she's been getting straight breast milk at home, but I think I'll start cutting that half-and-half to ease the transition a bit.
As much as I'm ready to stop stressing and start enjoying my baby and my body again, I'm still sad and confused. I wish I could know what went wrong. I wish I could know why my body was so resistant to all the normal things that help other women with their supply. I really wish I could know in advance if I'll have better luck with another baby down the line or if we'll have the same struggles. All questions that I'll probably never know the answers to.
I guess I just need to focus on the fact that I gave Kaylee as much of my milk as I could. I have to know that almost four months is better than nothing. I have to know that she will benefit in so many ways from having a mommy that is calm and happy and who loves her so so much.
09 February 2010
Holy Cow I Need to Post More Often!!!
Kaylee is now in week 2 of childcare. We love our provider and I'm happy to say that she understands how a mommy's brain works. She texted me midway through Kaylee's first day to tell me that things were going well and yesterday she sent me a picture of Kaylee on my phone. I love it.
Kaylee cried upon being dropped off for the first three days. This surprised me. I guess I thought that three months was too young for a baby to show a real preference for her parents. I would have thought that as long as her needs were being met, she would be fine. Kaylee never ceases to amaze me. By Thursday, she seemed to settle in and didn't cry as much when Mike left her. I kept her with me on Friday, but it didn't seem to mess her up as she was a dream for our provider yesterday. My highlight of childcare so far was Thursday when I picked Kaylee up. She was about to get fed and had her face all scrunched up, crying. As soon as she heard my voice...and I mean the second I spoke...her little eyes flew open and the crying stopped. She knew her momma was there!!! Hurrah!!! Mommy FTW!!!
I gotta say it...while I miss seeing my little girl whenever I want to, I'm getting so much more accomplished at work! Much to my chagrin, I'm just not cut out to be a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom.
Kaylee cried upon being dropped off for the first three days. This surprised me. I guess I thought that three months was too young for a baby to show a real preference for her parents. I would have thought that as long as her needs were being met, she would be fine. Kaylee never ceases to amaze me. By Thursday, she seemed to settle in and didn't cry as much when Mike left her. I kept her with me on Friday, but it didn't seem to mess her up as she was a dream for our provider yesterday. My highlight of childcare so far was Thursday when I picked Kaylee up. She was about to get fed and had her face all scrunched up, crying. As soon as she heard my voice...and I mean the second I spoke...her little eyes flew open and the crying stopped. She knew her momma was there!!! Hurrah!!! Mommy FTW!!!
I gotta say it...while I miss seeing my little girl whenever I want to, I'm getting so much more accomplished at work! Much to my chagrin, I'm just not cut out to be a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom.
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