For Kaylee

It has been far too long since I last wrote to you, my little love. So much for my goal of writing a love letter every year on your birthday. For that, I apologize.

I'm writing to you now because I've been thinking about the ways in which your life is going to change in the next couple months. Very soon, you will go from being an adored only child to being a much-loved big sister. You are so excited to meet your baby sister, but as much as we talk about it, I don't think you realize what that means. As much as I hate to admit it, it means that your wants and needs will no longer always be my first priority. There may be times when I have to ask you to play alone or play more quietly while I attend to the baby. There may be times when you desperately need my love and attention, but my focus will be split.

Please know that my love for you is endless. You will always be special to me in a way that is only yours. You made me a mommy. You took my life before children, turned it upside down, and opened my eyes to a love that I never could have comprehended before there was you.

I love you to the end of the Earth with all that I am.

Your Momma

I Will

Kaylee, my love ~

You (and your daddy) gave me such a lovely Mother's Day yesterday. We spent a lot of the day out in the sun, playing and enjoying the spring weather that we've been anxiously waiting for. We have a wonderful dinner with our family. Even though it was such a great day, I will remember nothing more fondly than the first few moments, snuggled together in my bed.

You woke up to "I Will" playing on your iPod and ran in to tell me about it. Since I, sadly, missed hearing it with you, you snuggled in and we sang it together. Once our rendition was complete, I told you the story of how that song became so important to us.

When I was pregnant with you, your daddy and I decided that we wanted to choose a song that would be yours. It would be the song to sing you to sleep, the song to sing you calm, and the song to sing you our love. We chose "I Will". It was the perfect song. About an endless love; quiet, simple and soothing. The line that absolutely sold me? "And when at last I find you / Your song will fill the air" It seemed like such a lovely way to describe how I would feel when you were born and we would hear your first cry. Your song would fill the air (even though it didn't at first).

Once it was decided, we would dance in our bedroom, my huge belly between us, and sing your song. I would listen to it before I went to bed and rub my belly, sending you all of my love. Once you were born, we played it for you in the hospital. All through your babyhood, we would sing it to you to help calm you down, and it worked. Amazingly, you seemed to recognize your song so early on. I was blown away. "I Will" stayed in the mix of the songs we would play as you slept at night, and I still sing it to you every night when I put you to sleep. I will never in my life hear that song again and not think of you, my love.

When I finished telling the story, you looked at me with such joy and love in your eyes. I could tell that hearing all of that had made you feel so special and so very loved. For a brief moment, it seemed like you were able to fully comprehend the depth of my love for you. You kissed me, snuggled in closer, and said, "I didn't remember that when I was a baby." I assured you that I would never forget and that I would be happy to tell you the story whenever you needed to hear it.

It was an amazing interaction and set the tone for a lovely day. I'm so glad for this memory.

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

All my love always,
Your Momma

Three

My dear darling Kaylee ~

Today you are three and I just cannot believe how time has swept us away and you have grown so much. I can't help but think of the first moment I held you, complete with IV and a million monitors. You were so small and even a little pathetic, but my love for you was so big and beautiful, it didn't matter.

No longer are you too small and dependent on your dad and me. You are such a big girl and such a spit fire!!! Nothing gets past you and you love nothing better than telling me that you'll do it (whatever "it" happens to be) yourself. You are bold and beautiful and never fail to make people smile. You are so joyful!

I hope you always know that I am so very proud of you. I love every minute that I get to spend with you, watching you grow, learn and change before my eyes. I hope that you continue to enjoy everything around and that life brings you all you could hope for. You deserve the very best of everything, my love.

Happy Birthday.

Your Momma

Countdown Days 20-23

Countdown Days 15-19

Countdown Day 14

I love watching Kaylee's relationship with Mike. She seems so free, outgoing and open to being silly with him. I wouldn't say that she's never that way with me, but her bond with her daddy is just something special.

I know that she looks forward to nights when Mike puts her to bed because of the unique routines that he's established, and she loves waking him up in the mornings with a tickle or a kiss.

Kaylee is lucky to have such an amazing daddy in Mike.

Countdown Day 13

I know that I already mentioned some of the funny things that Kaylee says, but there are a few more that beg to be documented for all time.

While sitting on the toilet, "Can you give me a privacy?"

When she wants something from us, "Can you give me a favor?"

I just love how her structure is just barely off, but she loves using these two big-girl concepts. I think I may cry on the day that she straightens it all out.